Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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