Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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