i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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