The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
