I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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