So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
