What did we do last night that was yellow?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
