I have demons in me.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
