You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Randomize
