You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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