Fine. I'll sleep in my office
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
