you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
