I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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