I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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