How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
