They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I am one with the molecules
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
