she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
