Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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