We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
