i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Randomize
