i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
