I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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