i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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