I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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