There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
