Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
