I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He shit in the fireplace
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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