i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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