after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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