So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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