I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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