WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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