Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
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just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
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You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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