I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
