If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize