Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
