just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
