my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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