While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
