i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
