with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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