I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
