We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
