i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
