was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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