goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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