Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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