Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
