R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
