Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
