You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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