i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
