Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
