Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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