I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
