And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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