Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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