U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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