Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
