Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He better not be in your backpack
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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