No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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