My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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