This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
