I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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