so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
